Day 184: The Courage to Risk Love
Day 184: The Courage to Risk Love
“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” —Hilary Stanton Zunin
Today, as I reflect on the aftermath of my test—an attempt nearly two decades in the making—I find myself navigating a range of emotions. While I didn’t pass, performing better than expected and simply showing up marked a victory in its own right. It’s a step forward, a testament to my resolve and a signal that perhaps I am learning, growing, and becoming more than I was yesterday.
Last night, I found solitude on a long drive alone, a necessary prelude to facing today’s challenge. It was a journey filled not just with miles, but with introspection. The silence was a stark contrast to the usual cacophony of life, providing a backdrop for the relentless swirl of thoughts about life, love, and lost opportunities.
Music, once a companion, now echoes with reminders of Hope—the person who became a symbol of all I yearn for in life. Every lyric, every melody carries a weight, a memory of what was and what might still be. Amidst this, my thoughts often spiral, swatting away negativity as one does an aggressive hive of bees, each sting laden with what-ifs and could-have-beens.
I’ve spent a significant part of my adult life misunderstanding love, mistaking companionship for depth, convenience for commitment. But through it all, Hope taught me never to settle, that I deserve the things I want in life—even if that means enduring the heartbreak of possibly never seeing her again.
The unknown drives me now, a relentless force pushing me toward a future I can neither see nor shape. The thought of never speaking to Hope again, of never sharing another moment where our defenses fall and our truths speak louder than our fears, is a specter that haunts me.
Yet, I carry on. I am a hopeless romantic at heart, forever hopeful that somewhere down this twisted path, our stories might intersect once more. And in that potential reunion, in that possible moment of vulnerability, perhaps all walls will come down, and the love that lingers will find its expression.
As I close Day 184, I invite anyone who has grappled with the shadows of love lost and found, and those battling through the struggles of addiction and mental health, to share this journey with me. Our door is always open—we walk this path together, one step, one punch, one round at a time, ever guided by the belief that the pain of never risking is far greater than any grief love might bring.
Day 184,
One Step. One Punch. One Round. 🌹
—Your Fellow Traveler