Day 111 – Finding My Smile Again

Day 111

One Step. One Punch. One Round.

Today feels different. For the first time in a while, my mind is quiet. The noise, the chaos, the ants crawling through my thoughts—they’ve taken a pause. It’s strange, almost unsettling, but also freeing.

Last night, I didn’t write. I’ve always found writing to be my outlet, my therapy. But this time, it wasn’t about avoidance or distraction. It was peace. It was stillness. And in that stillness, I’ve realized something I hadn’t allowed myself to face before: I’ve lost a part of me.

I think about that little boy I used to be. The one who smiled despite everything. He held onto hope when it felt like the world had none to give. That smile, that joy—that’s what addiction took from me. And even now, in recovery, I’m learning that getting back to that boy isn’t just about sobriety. It’s about rediscovering myself.

Somewhere along the way, I grew cold. I stopped believing I deserved that happiness, that freedom. But today, I choose to fight. Not just for sobriety, but for my smile. For the little boy I used to be.

This journey is messy, frustrating, and sometimes, it feels like I’m walking in circles. But I refuse to let it define me. I refuse to let the past keep me from loving myself.

If you’re reading this and feel like you’ve lost yourself too, know that you’re not alone. Healing takes time, and rediscovery takes courage. But step by step, we can get there. We can find that light again.

Today, I hold onto one truth: I will not let this win. I will not give up. I will find my smile again.

Day 111

One Step. One Punch. One Round. 🌹

—Your Fellow Traveler